|‘you have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life’|
You have no idea for how long I’ve been writing and rewriting this article… It’s still weird to put myself out there telling you about my most vulnerable self. Half a year ago however, I decided to tell you a little more about my personal life too and since then you’ve all been very understanding and supporting so that is why I finally decided to put the post up. It’s an update on my health situation, which, as you know hasn’t been the best for over 12 months now.
The latest diagnose for the whole stomach / digestive problems I’ve been experiencing over the last year, is ‘irritable bowel syndrome’ (at least that’s what Google gave me as Translation for ‘Reizdarm’). The first time one of my doctor’s spoke about me having this syndrome I was completely shocked and all I could do was cry. I didn’t want to have this syndrome, as I saw it, at that time, as something incurable. Also I thought and I still do think that doctors tend to diagnose you with this syndrome when they don’t know what else to say. Since that diagnosis a few months have passed and I’ve learned that it is something that actually can be treated. I started with kinesitherapy and I also started seeing a therapist because the syndrome is very closely linked to the subconscious and to stress. (I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this part of my story, the fact that I decided to see a therapist but then it got clear to me that it is something that no one should judge. No one will find help without looking for it! – and that is a fact)
I’ve told you about the surgery I had back in October. That surgery was my biggest hope for recovery, but also the one that hurt the most when it got clear that it didn’t help me at all. I felt even worse after! It’s been a really hard time since then, as I wasn’t very strong and it seemed that my body didn’t like anything I ate. The digestive system wasn’t properly working at all which made it really hard for me to gain strength. Somehow I managed to pull through though and I even managed to write and pass my exams in January.
At the beginning of February my dad approached me with the address of yet another doctor who was supposed to help me. At that point I was so fed up with basically everything that I only accepted to go and see him because I got an appointment through my dad’s connections (Normally that doctor doesn’t accept new patients) and I didn’t want to let him down. He’s been there for me all along and I can only imagine how hard that must have been. The doctor I’m talking about is French and a homeopath – I quit the regular medicine after the surgery as they couldn’t help me no more and also because I don’t believe that it’s healthy for your body popping pills all the time.
At the end of February I drove to Lille and there it was again, this little spark of hope that I’ve felt so many times over the last 14 months and which I hate so much – because until now it’s always been killed. After telling me he was sure that he’ll be able to help me, the doc prescribed me a list of natural drugs which I’ve been taking for a little over a month now. Sometimes it bothers me to drink this one green powder twice a day but how should it help if I don’t take it exactly as he said I should? That’s why I really want to pull through with the treatment and see how it works. All in all, after one month now, I have to admit that I’m feeling a little bit better. I still don’t want to shout it out too loud because you know, of all the other set backs and because there are still days where I feel really bad and everything’s just too much… But one step at a time, right?
So I’m still holding on tight to that little spark of hope and I am looking forward to the next months, especially to summer when all the exams are over and life’s good! I won’t give up fighting to feel better, I know there’s still a long way to go but with a little help from my family, friends and my therapist I should be able to get there.